Another day, loveys, another brace of heartaches. My thanks to Oiled and Ready, and Gordon Horback of Little Spunk, whose respective problems I have faithfully reproduced here:
Oiled and Ready said...
I am a 40 year old woman who hasn't had sex in 10 years because of a medical condition which I prefer not to divulge here. I have undergone a medical procedure and, shall we say, the plumbing is working wonderfully now. I work in a sheet metal factory full of muscular, viril men and I can't wait to start going through the "rank and file" starting with my beef-cake foreman. Problem: I don't want to come off looking like a slut. How can I shag these guys without them knowing I did the entire foundry floor?
Dr Marga said...
Dear Oiled and Ready,
You say you don't wish to come off looking like a slut. Sweetie, I think that ship sailed when you started work in a sheet metal factory. There is nothing wrong with looking like a slut - after all, many people in this world crave popularity. You will be the most popular slut in the factory.
I cannot tell you what to do, petal, I can only advise. And my advice is this: Quit your job. Working in a factory is unhealthly for the female mind. Take up a position as secretary in a city stockbroker firm and work your way through a bit of class. You will still be a slut, sweetie, but a more upmarket one.
Gordon Horback, Little Spunk - Missouri said...
Dear Dr. Marga,
I chanced upon your blog through Olaf Legend's. Bravo on your new endeavour! This is very embarrassing, but I sense you are qualified to answer my query. Have you ever heard of someone expelling gas when they reach orgasm? I have this problem and I am at my wits end. Doctors have tried everything without success. I am 55 and have not had sex with a woman since Woodstock. I'm even afraid to spank the monkey because I throw up every time. PLEASE HELP ME!
Dr Marga said...
Dear Gordon,
The solution to this problem is very simple. Put a cork in it. That's not Dr Marga being rude here, sweetie, but a large cork placed in the alimentary cavity will temporarily bring a respite from these embarrassing emissions.
I cannot tell you what to do, sweetie, I can only advise. And my advice is this: Stay away from animals. You made 2 references in your letter, and I fear they could give way to indulgence. (Forget "the monkey" and leave Woodstock back in Charlie Brown's world where he belongs. He is a fictional yellow bird and quite unrelated to your predicament, sweetie.)
Oiled and Ready said...
I am a 40 year old woman who hasn't had sex in 10 years because of a medical condition which I prefer not to divulge here. I have undergone a medical procedure and, shall we say, the plumbing is working wonderfully now. I work in a sheet metal factory full of muscular, viril men and I can't wait to start going through the "rank and file" starting with my beef-cake foreman. Problem: I don't want to come off looking like a slut. How can I shag these guys without them knowing I did the entire foundry floor?
Dr Marga said...
Dear Oiled and Ready,
You say you don't wish to come off looking like a slut. Sweetie, I think that ship sailed when you started work in a sheet metal factory. There is nothing wrong with looking like a slut - after all, many people in this world crave popularity. You will be the most popular slut in the factory.
I cannot tell you what to do, petal, I can only advise. And my advice is this: Quit your job. Working in a factory is unhealthly for the female mind. Take up a position as secretary in a city stockbroker firm and work your way through a bit of class. You will still be a slut, sweetie, but a more upmarket one.
Gordon Horback, Little Spunk - Missouri said...
Dear Dr. Marga,
I chanced upon your blog through Olaf Legend's. Bravo on your new endeavour! This is very embarrassing, but I sense you are qualified to answer my query. Have you ever heard of someone expelling gas when they reach orgasm? I have this problem and I am at my wits end. Doctors have tried everything without success. I am 55 and have not had sex with a woman since Woodstock. I'm even afraid to spank the monkey because I throw up every time. PLEASE HELP ME!
Dr Marga said...
Dear Gordon,
The solution to this problem is very simple. Put a cork in it. That's not Dr Marga being rude here, sweetie, but a large cork placed in the alimentary cavity will temporarily bring a respite from these embarrassing emissions.
I cannot tell you what to do, sweetie, I can only advise. And my advice is this: Stay away from animals. You made 2 references in your letter, and I fear they could give way to indulgence. (Forget "the monkey" and leave Woodstock back in Charlie Brown's world where he belongs. He is a fictional yellow bird and quite unrelated to your predicament, sweetie.)
