A Smooth First Entry

Okay, loveys, I am new here, so please be gentle with me.

Let's open the floor to new questions. Let's hear them, loveys, no problem is too big or too small. I will leave the comments part of this page open and you can leave all your problems there where I will copy and paste them onto regular entries so the world at large may point and laugh at you.

Don't be shy, and be as anonymous as you like - and remember: It's never a problem if the whole world knows about it.

Dr Marga Thwaites

Why Auntie Is So Fantastic

This is ever so embarrassing, and I am not a party to it in any way. But I have been asked to list all the reasons why I think I'm great. Oh, the absolute shame of it. This really is humiliating to be asked to write out all my fantastic attributes.  Oh all right then.

1. Auntie has helped many poor individuals with good advice concerning sex, relationship problems, legal misunderstandings, sex, nuisance neighbours, healthcare, and sex.

2. Being a minor celebrity in my local town has not clouded my outlook. I am still the same loveable approachable Auntie. Only now I am a bit more famous and wealthier.  And you have to make an appointment to make an appointment to talk to me.

3. I help people of all creeds, colours, and races. As well as some from Birmingham.

4. I regularly give a large amount of money to charity, even though I never publicise it.

5. I have been through three divorces, and proved that by coming through that, I am a stronger person. My husbands were all weak kneed eunuchs, by the way.

Genital Herpes

I have genital herpes. My new boyfriend doesn't know this. How can I break the news to him "gently"? "Can't Sit Still" Dripstick, Nebraska

Dr Marga said...Dear Can't Sit, This is a common problem, sweetie, especially with you rednecks out there and I would like to regale you with a story involving my friend, let's call her Donna.Now Donna was going out with a new boyfriend, let's call him Dave. They had been seeing each other for several weeks when Donna decided to break up with Dave, but didn't have the heart to tell him. On the side, Donna was sleeping with her Boss, let's call him Pete. She kept both men on the go at the same time without telling one about the other's existence. Eventually, Donna began dating another man, let's call him Mike.

Now, Donna, let's call her Brenda, decided that she wished to sleep with all of them, let's call him Tony. But not all at the same time, of course, lovey - She did have some morals.

Eventually, Donna succumbed to Genital Herpes, let's call him Bruce. Throughout her brief life, Donna continued to have affairs with many men whilst still infected, and eventually she died as a result of this. Her paramours were blissfully unaware of Donna's infectious plight, since she had elected to allow them to go to their graves in ignorance, albeit years before their time.I cannot tell you what to do, sweetie, I can only advise. And my advice is this: You can tell your boyfriend that you have G.H or you can not.

The decision is yours, sweetie, but take heed the cautionary tale of Donna, let's call her Tragic.

All The Best,
Auntie Marga.

And remember - it's never a problem if the whole world knows about it.